My almost-3-year old has a new TV favorite: Bob the Builder. The little ditty “Can we fix it? YES WE CAN!” gets stuck in my head way more than I’d wish upon anyone. The “Can we build it? YES WE CAN!” is another cheer from the show, but there’s one piece of construction equipment (hey, I didn’t say I watch the show) whose voice is set apart because while all the others are cheering with gusto, he mutters, “Err, yeah, I think so.”
When it comes to natural childbirth, people I talk to who are interested in The Bradley Method will often admit that they’re just not sure they can do it. I want to encourage any woman who thinks that drug-free childbirth might be for her to find the confidence to say with gusto, “YES I CAN!” when anyone asks “Can you do it?”
I think most of us know one or two or five women who’ve started their birth story with “I thought I’d try to get through it without the epidural, but that didn’t last long. That’s not possible.” In my classes of The Bradley Method, I compare this strategy to me deciding today that maybe I’ll go run a marathon tomorrow. It sounds like a good idea, there’s a marathon right here in town, I’ve read a little about it, so why not? Well, there’s probably somebody out there who could randomly decide this and actually finish the race. But the other 99% of us would fail. We weren’t prepared, we didn’t train, and we weren’t sure what to expect. (And just like a marathon finisher, women look whooped after natural childbirth because they just worked their butts off. And just like a marathon finisher, that same woman is grinning in the next second when the awards are handed out.)
Natural childbirth takes preparation; not in the form of running miles or hiring a trainer, but in other ways. Through the 12-week series of The Bradley Method, instructors train mamas and their coaches how to deliver their bundle of joy without the harsh and dangerous side effects of medication. We train you with information on every topic related to pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period; we teach you relaxation methods; we coach you through labor rehearsals; we offer videos and books that will further motivate you. All of these things help reach the goal of Healthy Baby and Healthy Mom. Because why should we only focus on the baby when we need strong, capable, emotionally-healthy moms to take care of those babies?
Educating yourself will make the difference. If I’m at a family reunion and someone taps my shoulder, I will turn with positive expectations. If I’m lost in the alley of East St. Louis and someone taps my shoulder, I will probably have a high-speed come-apart of some variation. Let’s put this in terms of your labor: if you’re educated on how your labor will progress, then you meet each transition with positive expectations and the realization that you will be meeting your baby soon. If you aren’t educated, and think that putting all of your faith into your doctor and the nurses will surely be a safe bet, those transitions will be terrifying and more painful. You are responsible for bringing your baby into the world no matter how amazing your doctor and nurses are; they can’t prepare you for “the big marathon” when you’re already in the middle of it.
What about Dad? What’s his role? With “Husband-Coached Childbirth”, that role is obviously significant. But no matter how much Dad reads and researches, nothing compares to what his role will naturally be when his baby is on the way. He knows Mom better than anyone else, and he doesn’t need to read chapters in a book to know how she will best respond to create a calm, positive, encouraging atmosphere. And there’s no one else Mom wants more by her side, whispering in her ear and sharing this moment. Todd will tell you “that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done” because his constant attention to me during the birth of our first son is the reason we were successful with natural childbirth. All the classes and reading prepared us for that labor, but he carried it out. Yes, it helped that he attended the classes; he had prepared himself on the stages of labor and how he could expect to help me. But the most helpful things he did were because he knew me, loved me, and shared the vision for how we wanted our birth experience to be.
Maybe you know Dad isn’t the best one for this job. Maybe you know his role will best be behind a camera or sitting in a chair where he can’t pass out too far to the floor. Then what? Then you ask a sister, sister-in-law, friend, or mom to join you on this journey. While Dr. Bradley did title his book “Husband-Coached Childbirth”, he was the first to clarify that this role does not have to belong to Dad. Most women would consider it a great compliment to be invited to a woman’s birth with the role of Coach. And women are much less likely to whine about committing to 12 weeks of class (just sayin!).
Can you do it? When couples complete The Bradley Method, Mom is confidently singing from the rooftops “Yes I can!” And Dad is right there beside her, saying “Yes she can, and I will help her!” It’s hard to get women who have had a natural birth to shut up about their birth story: they are so amazed at their strength and in awe of their bodies.
If this experience sounds like something you would like to know more about, here’s my suggestions (and what I did for myself before signing up for Todd & I to take The Bradley Method classes). Watch The Business of Being Born which is available on Netflix. Read Husband-Coached Childbirth, of which I own a bunch of copies and will gladly lend. Talk to someone who you respect and know isn’t a nut who has chosen this route, and see if you can get her to shut-up. Then visit http://www.bradleybirth.com to find an instructor near you!
The Pleasant Farm 
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